Romance Novels Are Self Improvement Books In Story Form

The new year is the time everyone thinks, at least on some level, about New Year’s resolutions. It occurs to me that reading romance novels is a great inspiration for personal change. In a romance novel, the main character wants something they don’t have at the start of the book. In fact they are avoiding it. And there are myriad ways of avoiding. But you already know this.

There’s creating lists, which sounds good in conversation, and planning gives a sense of control and progress, even if nothing concrete is done.

Maybe they frequently discuss the problem with friends. Sharing intentions or small achievements gains approval from others which provides a sense of accomplishment.

Maybe they are waiting for the perfect moment (or person). After all, it feels rational to wait for readiness or alignment. Maybe they rethink and reframe the problem because thinking deeply seems like getting to the root of the issue, but overanalyzing often prevents actionable steps and fosters indecision.

Blaming other people, or uncontrollable factors shifts the blame reduces personal responsibility and guilt. A child may use this as a valid excuse, but not an adult.

Clinging resolutely to some value which is at odds with what one wants is a lose-lose situation. Either one acts counter to his values, or he doesn’t have a chance to get what he wants. For example, a knight pledged to serve a noble house falls in love with someone from an enemy family. His sense of duty and honor keeps him from acting on his feelings. A person who is fiercely independent believes they can’t rely on others, including a love interest, because vulnerability is seen as weakness. I call this the Jo March syndrome.

Past experiences (betrayal or loss) have led them to believe that love isn’t real or worth the risk. The person who is protective to the point of self-sacrifice. will fall in love with someone but refuses to act, prioritizing their love interest’s safety over their own happiness. The hero may not feel worthy of their love interest and avoids commitment until they believe they’ve “earned” the right to be loved. The hero or heroine may believe they don’t deserve love or happiness because of something they did (or failed to do) in the past–no second chances.

Every romance novel contains at least one of these, and as the story unfolds, the main character breaks the cycle. How do they do that? They set specific goals. They take action. They track progress. They hold themselves accountable. They reflect honestly, evaluating whether their actions align with their goals.

Each of these archetypes creates opportunities for growth as the main character wrestles with beliefs, ultimately learning to balance values with the desire for love and happiness. Romance novels are self improvement books in story form. Want examples of women who have changed their lives? Read a romance!